Team sports can be lame.
Happy Woman is NOT lame.
My cynical and sarcastic counterparts over at the satirical Happy Woman Magazine decided they despise chick flicks as much as I do and asked to publish my work.
To save you exerting too much energy by clicking the link, here's a copy...
If only life was like the movies, we could sort all life’s problems in ninety minutes and live happily ever after.
Hollywood leads us to believe that a great hairstyle and a kooky best friend is all you need to succeed in life and love. But what else can rom coms teach us? Perhaps we can learn from the mistakes and triumphs of our silver screen counterparts and follow their lead.
Let’s see how the films messages hold up in real life...
-Makeovers take eighty seconds of montage and change you for life.
You can become an entirely new person with the help of a flamboyant hairdresser. You will need to learn how to avoid fake tan streaks for the rest of your life and learn to talk again after veneers hide the previously rotting &\ missing teeth you once had but your self confidence will triple despite years of humiliation due to your unfortunate genes. It will only take two sessions in a gym to give you legs like a gazelle and abs of steel, but a very cute instructor with an accent will make this a humorous and easy experience.
-Ugly Ducklings will always end up with Prince Charming
It doesn’t matter if his previous partner was a 6 foot Amazonion goddess with rich parents, your cute little double chin and strange jewellery collection will win him over in the end. You will grow old together and the fact you are highly unsuitable for each other will never be a problem.
-Your wedding day will be a disaster but your husband to be will save the day with nice vows.
You will be married at your in-laws country property in the shadows of a huge mansion. They are guaranteed to be loaded and you will have perfect weather for the garden ceremony. Under no circumstance will you have any ugly flowergirls and all your relatives are superb dressers with fantastic table manners. Everything will run smoothly until your husbands ex shows up and ruins the wedding, this won’t matter because he will say something utterly romantic like “You complete me” or something equally as cliché and a Taylor Swift song will play and you will be happy. Something comedic will happen to the ex as you drive away like a bird pooing on her head or your drunk cousin feeling her up.
-You will break up with ‘the one’ at least once before getting married.
This will always involve something that wasn’t even his fault or was ‘before he realised you were meant to spend your lives together’. Often this involves you being the centre of a joke or dare between him and his best friend. You will inevitably split because ‘your trust is broken’. Fear not, single lady, he will perform one act of romantic chivalry and you will be unable to resist him. You may become so angry with him that you yell and fight him until he looks at you a little crazed and then kisses you passionately. Give into this, it will reignite your passion for him and amazing sex will follow.
-The quirky best friend will also find love
She sat through your tears, twirling her little pigtails thoughtfully listening to you complain about how he wronged you, and then when you gush about how amazing he is she will make the popcorn and tell you to ‘dish’ even though no one has used that word since 1988. But don’t worry about her, while you’ve been selfishly focused on yourself, she has been eyeing off that guy from the first scene who designed your wedding cake. They will hook up at your wedding, probably in a bathroom somewhere, you will discover them and they will giggle and wink at you as you smile thoughtfully and return to your wedded bliss.
Of course it would be nice if we could all live in a movie, we would all have super cute male pets who we will at one stage confess that they are ‘the only man in our life’. But life isn’t scripted and we must take the ups and downs as they come. We can still learn a lot from movies, maybe not romantic comedies, but horror films teach us that we should never answer the phone or run up stairs to get away from murderers.