I'm only obsessed by it because I'm just stupidly jealous of everyone involved.
Take a seat friends, I have something to tell you.
I can't dance.
Nor do I think I can dance.... well there was that one time at Mustang Bar where the cover band nailed that rendition of 'Ride Around Sally' and I had my comfortable shoes on and just the right amount of Smirnoff in my system. I could definitely dance that night. Ask anyone.
Misguided weekends in my teens aside. I still can't dance.
So naturally I hate everyone on that damn show. They're all too damn flexible and attractive and balanced and coordinated and I'm not.
So in my true style, I've formed a list of bad stuff about it to make myself feel better.
Here we go....
Too many vagina shots
Don't even try to pretend you're not looking. Every time they do a lift and the chick is thrown over the dude's neck there is some serious leg spreadage going on. Something tells me the cameramen are lonely.
Natalie Bassingthwaighte
I don't think you're meant to bag out pregnant women, you're only meant to use words like 'glowing', 'hormonal' and 'curvy' (or anything to make 'fat' less harsh) so I'll go easy on that frozen-foreheaded freak. BUT WHAT IS THE POINT OF HER? No one liked 1000 Stars okay? Stop trying to hijack the show for your popstar ambitions. Just quietly go back to being the other woman in Dr Carl Kennedy's life so we can pretend to hate (but secretly love) you Izzy.
She also has an extremely annoying nose crinkle, not like those cute girls who pull it off and look even cuter with them, just this sort of twitch that makes you want to hand her a tissue before she sneezes.
The old judge who uses too many French dance terms.
Yup, got it, you CAN dance, and you know the correct terms but I don't speak dancequeen so you'll need to use simplified terms for us plebs. So don't give me that 'plie' crap, I want 'bendy knee move' and while you're at it cut the 'Sissonne' when 'jumpy jump' will do just fine. Plus he's one of those people who uses the squint to make it seem like he's got glittery eyes that just shine with emotion when ''witnessing dance in it's true beauty''. It just makes him look like an old guy struggling to read a menu then admitting defeat and just assuming there's a steak sandwich on the menu and ordering that.
Hugging
There is just waaaaaaaaay to much hugging on that show. I understand they are partners and are making dance history and blah blah blah so a hug here and there to celebrate is fine. However, it is NOT cool to hug people when you first meet them! The dancers open the door up to their choreographer for the week and hug the shit out of them... AND THEN INTRODUCE THEMSELVES!!
The excessive use of slow motion
Besides the dancing, the single best bit is the little packages in between that show the behind the scenes stuff, they all look like they have so much damn fun and have awesome outfits to match. They say really nice things about each other and it's all edited nicely into the ultimate montage and then BAM! they have to go and throw in a freaking slow motion ending so everyone's smile just twinkles that little bit. It's laaaaame. It's also overused, they put it in when someone falls, when someone laughs, when someone turns their head, when someone tosses their hair, when Natalie frowns (just to prove she is capable of facial expressions I guess) and ALWAYS when someone cries. CRYING IN SLOW MOTION IS NOT SEXY. There's snot, red blotches, stretched faces and awkward side hugs involved. Stop it, enough is enough.
Unnecessarily long shots of the choreographers reaction
Especially when they dancers royally fucked up the dance. The poor choreographer has to smile through gritted teeth and look happy even though they're totally thinking "thanks for fucking up my career you pimply shit, how hard is a backflip onto a piano? Seriously?!"
But it's possibly even more annoying when they ace the dance and they just go back and forth between the dancers and the choreographers blowing kisses and bowing in appreciation as if to say 'No I love you more! No you!'.
Yep, you did good, NEXT!
Despite it's shit parts, I still love SYTYCD (Yes I'm cool enough to abbreviate it, only true fans have that right) and I'll still watch and be jealous and sulk, I'll just make sure I turn over as soon as I see Nat Bas's (again abb. = awes.) face and watch Customs and wonder whether that's a pimple or a mole on Damian Walshe-Howling's forehead.
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